Oh boy… That was really stupid of you! Please, just shut up… No one wants to hear anyway… Who are you to open your mouth here? Better keep it shut and don´t embarrass yourself again…
Does that kind of self-talk sounds familiar?
In every talkinground, at every meeting, in the lecture, at the Date … The same old lamento in your head – again and again! Not to mention the morning look in the mirror …
Self-criticism: The voices of others in your own head
Listen deep inside yourself …
Who is actually talking here? Is that really you? Or has something in you just taken over the repeated phrases from teachers, parents, classmates, or the Bible?
Do you still want to let these voices spoil your happiness ?!
Self-love as a psychological cure-it-all?!
Yes! Absolutely and irrevocably – YES!
That’s why the very first article on this blog addresses this basic topic and I’ll keep coming back to it over and over again!
I will not tell you all the wonderful, magical changes, that would happen, if you really, honestly and radically love yourself. You probably know them yourself!
What I want to share with you here is this: Be careful that self-love does not become just a word! Be careful not to grin in front of the mirror and mumble to the one in the mirror: I love you, I love you, I love you – without feeling it.
This changes NOTHING
True, authentic self-love is practical!
Of course it can help to smooch the mirror, unpack the biceps and tell yourself how great, beautiful and strong you are! I also like to do it again and again!
But if there are no ACTIONS following the words, the whole thing is empty chatter and stops at a superficial level.
Would you believe your partner that he/she loves you, when he/she tells you, but in every day life, he downs you, does not support you, puts aside your needs, does not take time for you and treats you like shit???
See, why should you believe it yourself?
True self-love arises through self-care!
So how does practical self-love work?
1: The inner dialogue: Become your best friend
The voice in the head is there anyway. You can use it against you or for you.
What you say to yourself in everyday situations creates the feelings towards yourself and your power throuout the day. Are you patient, gentle and encouraging with yourself?
If not, image what your best friend would say to you in this situation?
Probably nobody would ever be as mean to us as we are so often to ourselfs!
Do not wait for encouragement, permission, approval or reassurance from the outside. Give it to yourself. Accept, praise, and encourage yourself! Cheer yourself on whenever you can and sooth yourself whenever you need it.
Everything else is a waste of energy!
2: The Inner Team: Get your different inner parts to a table
We are all many. We all have more or less pronounced inner parts, such as the drill seargent, the defiant child, the critic, the warrior, the curious child.
Get to know your sub-personalities. Talk to them. What are their needs, wishes, worries, fears and how do they support your life?
Are there conflicts of interest? Does one part wants to go out into the world and another just wants to relax?
Then this exercise will help you!
3: Integrity: Know your values and act on them!
In contrast to norms, which are mostly socially defined, values are self-defined and therefore have the potential to become a compass for your life.
Analysis: Divide your life into key areas of life (family, partnership, job, friendship, spirituality, etc.) and find your 5-10 core values for each area. How do you want to act in this area and how do you want to be treated?
Definition: Get concrete! What does honesty mean to you? How do YOU define success, adventure or serenity? Don´t take on the definition of others or the society. Find your own.
Evaluation: How much do you live your life according to your values? Where is still some room to fill? Yes, this realization can hurt! But it can also motivate …
4: Take your needs seriously: Do what’s good for you!
No one has the power and the duty to make you happy – except yourself!
Basically, being happy is easier than pooping – do more that feels good and less, which does not feel good … Yeah – it’s REALLY that simple!
And do it NOW – not after you have satisfied your boss, partner, friends and children.
Did you ever fly with an airplane? There it is very clear: Take your oxygen mask first and then help the others. If you are not cared for yourself, you have no strength to help others, or you will eventually get sick by doing it anyway.
True, authentic self-love is a gift to your fellow human beings!
To clean up with another prejudice concerning self-love: self-love is NOT selfishness!
Let’s be honest: people who do not love themselves are annoying! To themselves and to others.
They constantly need confirmation and reassurance from outside, have difficulties making decisions, have to be constantly motivated and pampered and often pull others down with their inner negativity.
People who love themselves putt other off their duty of constantly being uplifting and often spray good vibes and lift others up in words and deeds or by their mere presence.
Clearly, they also have a hangover from time to time, but through their ability to positive self-dialogue they generally come back on their feet faster instead of remaining in victimhood.
So we see: practical self-love is the opposite of egoism!
Become a gift for yourself and others – LOVE YOURSELF
Get into action:
For what do you already love yourself? Where is there still some catching up to do? Do you have more tips for practical self-love that work for you? Do you also believe that self-love is a miracle cure?
Leave me a comment and lets help each other loving ourselfs!