The 5 Love Languages – Which one do you speak? (With Test)
The 5 Love Languages – Which one do you speak?
She was staring angrily at him and with dwelling tears in her eyes she almost cried: „Damn it! You never tell me how much I mean to you !!!!!!“
He locked back utterly startled and replied: „Honey, I cleared the dishwasher, watered the flowers and repaired the car…“
She speaks „word“ and he speaks „act“
Does this sound familiar? Do you maybe know of someone who has told you about a situation like this?
Then this person was or is part of a couple that does not speak the same love language.
When it comes to love he speaks Chinese and she speaks Afghan.
What I will share with you in this article should actually be common knowledge and should be taught in elementary school – like so many other things this blog educates you on. We would save ourselves and our partner so much pain, so much argument, so much misunderstanding and so much stress by just learning the differences of our love languages.
We finally would feel much more loved – just as much as we actually are loved by our partners!
If we are unaware of the different love languages, it can lead to arguments that could not only be avoided but transformed into something really beautiful with very little effort.
The message of Gary Chapman is as simple as it is powerful: Learn to speak your partner’s language, feel more loved and communicate your love so that it reaches your partner.
The 5 languages of love
1. Words of affirmation
Acts do not always speak louder than words. „I love you,“ „I’m here for you,“ „You’re beautiful,“ „I’m so glad you are a part of my life“ – all these words go down like oil on the verbal type. They need these words of reassurance like they need the air to breathe.
At the same time, harsh words hurt them just as much as a slap in the face. Probably even harder.
So even if you think your partner knows you love him – if he belongs to the species of verbal types, he needs to hear it over and over again!
Be creative in your words towards your partner of this type. Don´t only say „I love you.“ Tell them WHAT you love about them!
2. Acts of Service
Everything that makes life easier and less stressful is like balm for the soul and an affirmation of love for this type.
„Let me do that“ is his „I love you“. She feels truly love when he cleares the dishwasher, waters the flowers or makes her her favorite coffee, just as she likes it best.
Conversely, things that contribute to daily stress or the laziness of the partner make this type feel really unimportant to their partner.
So if your partner speaks this type of love language, just look out for acts of services you can do to them and they will feel acknowledged, important, seen and loved.
3. Quality Time
The undivided attention of the partner is for this type a valid proof of love par excellence.
Almost no matter what you do together, the main thing is nothing and nobody bothers the cozy togetherness. No cell phone, no TV, no buddies, no video game, which still has to be finished quickly.
On the other hand, the constant look on the cell phone or the wandering off into your own thoughts can for this type come across as being not important enough to earn the undivided attention of the partner.
When you have a partner like this at your side, a spontanious invite for a day trip, a very special dinner at a very special restaurant or even a picknick works wonders!
4. Receiving gifts
Small gifts maintain a friendship – and a relationship if you are having one with this type of love language speaker.
This is much less about the size or the material value of the gift. Rather, it is important that the partner has put some love and care in the selection of the gift.
The right gift shows this type that their partner was attentive and knows what he or she likes.
Reversely, this type never forgets about forgotten birthdays or anniversaries. Not receiving gifts hit them very hard and make them feel unimportant to their loved ones.
Please, if you have a sweety from this type at your side: Never go for the clishee type of gift. They can satisfy one of the other types but not this one. Make it a very special thing for a very special person!
5. Physical Touch
Stroking, kissing, petting, hugging, fondeling. You name it, they want it!
When physically close, this type feels as good as a fish in water. Touching reinforces the feeling of belonging and safety in every relationship, but especially in a relationship in which one partner speaks that love language.
Little pecks, unprovided hugs or even the complete refusal of physical closeness hurts and deprives this type massively.
When your partner speaks this love language, make sure to use as many opportunities for a tender touch, a big hug, a passionate kiss and stroking her hair while watching a movie.
Which love language do you and which one does your partner speak?
You have probably already found yourself (and your sweety) in one or two of these love languages. If not, or if you want more specific information about which language you and / or your partner is speaking, you can take this free online test.
Although I knew that I was a verbal type of love language speaker, it was still very interesting to know the distribution of the other languages.
Just the awareness of the different languages of love can prevent unintentional harm and it can really strengthen your relationship immensely. Fortunately, learning a love language usually takes only a fraction of the time that must be spent on learning a language of another country.
Much love to you and your individual love language
Ps: Which language do you and your partner speak?
Did you already know about these different love languages?
What changes knowing about them in your relationship?
Please leave me a comment below because I am really a verbal type and all comments and every word of appreciation, that I receive from you through my contact formular make me so so happy!