On the one hand, the chocolate bar is tempting! On the other hand, I wanted to cut on sugar …
On the one hand I really want to go to Judys party tonight – on the other hand I am really up for a good read …
On the one hand – on the other hand … We all know that, don´t we?
In the previous article on self-love, I talked about the inner team and the different parts within us. Now I’ll tell you how to lead your inner team.
Often we feel torn inside ourselves because these parts have different desires and needs.
The adventurer wants to party, the child is afraid to feel rejection there, the hang-around is too lazy to take the road and the critic admonishes: „With this big pimple you can absolutely not go outside the door!“
And you? You’re in the middle of it all feeling indecisive.
How can this dilemma be solved?
In my two-year souling psychotherapy, I have come across this exercise of amazing value, which has worked wonders both in therapy and in everyday life!
Here we go!
We are often unaware that we have these sub-personalities. We think we are just so undecided, torn, schizophrenic, whatever …
Be aware that YOU (your SELF, the „healthy adult“ like Dipl. Psych. Martin Siems call it) are the instance above your inner parts!
You have the choice: lead your inner team or let it push you around …
Identify which of your subordinates are currently in dispute here.
The timid and the daredevil?
The hooker and the nun?
The mother and the career woman?
The casanova and the shy?
See them in a playful yet respectful way as a kind of archetypes we all have to a certain extend.
Be aware that YOU ARE NOT YOUR PARTS!
What you are is pure, clear consciousness, endowed with all the essential abilities and qualities. You are above your sub-personalities.
4. The dialogue
4.1. Do not take yourself too seriously here for God’s sake! Exaggerate in gestures, facial expressions and voices and play in shaping the dialogue.
4.2. Put a pillow on the floor for yourself and all other involved parts.
Sit down on each pillow in turn and give each part a voice to express everything. Allow all feelings and thoughts to be there! Do not censor anything!
4.3. Have empathy for the feelings of your parts! Do not judge them and prefer none! Pushing a sub-personality into the shadow makes them take over unseen very likely!
5. Negotiation and decision
Often, part 4 will make you feel much clearer and makes a decision easy.
If not, negotiate with your parts. What do they each need to be seen or heard, perceived, valued and taken into account?
Realise, that all of your parts behave in a positive way and with good intention to benefit your life. Everyone wants to help you in their own way, protect, promote or support you!
Make a decision from the highest possible and wisest instance, your own!
These are often, but not always, the decisions that directly serve your long-term goal!
Remember: Even things that don´t directly seem to serve your long term goals, like a creative break, retreat or the conscious decision to enjoy, actually serve them because they keep you motivated!
Give this exercise a try and remember: take it seriously, but not yourself! 🙂
Get into action:
Did you realize before that you own these sub-persons? Are you leading your inner team or is it governing you? What experiences did you have with this exercise? Do you have any other tips for decision-making?
Leave me a comment here and lets help each other to be good team-leaders!